i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
