the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
