went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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