Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
