did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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