A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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