Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
