and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
