i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize