Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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