everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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