I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize