It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were trust falling into bushes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
