How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
