I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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