mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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