she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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