with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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