K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize