I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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