you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
