just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
