I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
