I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
