yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
thus making me awesome and them whores
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
