They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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