im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
