Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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