So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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