Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize