i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
