just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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