i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
