Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
