fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
