I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize