Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
