Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
