you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
