Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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