Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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