I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
