Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
