i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
