i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize