The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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