Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
