dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
