SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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