OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
