pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
