i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize