She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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