How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
