my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
