i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
