can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize