she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will be naked everywhere
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
