Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
