I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
