im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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