I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize