Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize