you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
