It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
