I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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