I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
God I need to hump something, right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
