I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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