I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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