i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i drank out of a bidet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
