every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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