we made out on top of his cat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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