Quick, to the slutcave!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
